A lot of things start to look different after a loved one moves into a nursing home. Routines change or end, and new ones begin.
Celebrating holiday traditions and routines is one of the more significant changes for caregivers and their loved ones. It can be challenging to remember holidays in years past and mourn the loss of the life your family experienced in the past.
Robyn Buxton, MS, is a social worker at the Edna Tina Wilson Living Center in Greece and sees many families who are navigating the new space of the holidays with their loved one in a skilled nursing facility. She shares some suggestions on how to find a balance between making this time of year special while giving yourself emotional space as you need it.
1. Participate at the nursing home
All nursing homes and skilled nursing facilities host different activities and events centered around the holidays.
Visit your loved one ahead of time and choose an activity (or activities) to spend time together during the month of December. It will be new, but being together is important for everyone’s mental and emotional health.
2. Make new traditions
Use this as an opportunity to start something new with your loved one, especially if it can involve younger members of the family. Forming a multi-generational connection can be very meaningful for everyone. Some ideas for what to do together might include:
- creating a holiday craft
- singing carols together
- watching a movie together
- playing a game or two as a family
- eating a meal together
“Even if you can’t celebrate on the same day or days as you usually do, getting together in the same place still holds a lot of meaning and importance for everyone,” Buxton said.
3. Decorate at the nursing home
Bringing in a reminder or two of holiday celebrations can brighten the mood for your loved one and their visitors. Consider choosing a few special decorations – trinkets, blankets, ornaments, or other memorable items – to bring in a taste of home.
Putting these around your loved one’s room and living space can go a long way to helping them connect with holidays in the past.
4. Go on the road
Driving around to look at light displays might already be a holiday tradition for you and your loved ones.
If your family member or loved one can get into a vehicle, this would be a good opportunity to start a new tradition.
5. Give the gift of memories
Take some time to put together a collection of memories that your loved one can revisit and enjoy over and over again.
Consider creating a scrapbook or a photo album that has messages from various family members and friends. You and other family friends might also write down a collection of memories to share – stories that are grand or small, meaningful sayings, special celebrations, funny anecdotes.
“Making something that you and your loved one can return to repeatedly can form a strong connection, especially when they might be having a hard day,” Buxton said. “When you are not with your loved one, it can also be something that staff can use to engage with them.”
6. Keep it simple
Take a step back, allow yourself to do what you can, and let the rest go. Give yourself grace to forget a few decorations, skip the holidays cards, or not bake all the cookies.
If there are other family members or close friends who are able, lean on them to host larger family gatherings and allow yourself to slow down physically and emotionally.
7. Reach out to others
There will be days that are hard. It’s important to lean on your friends and family in those times. You should not be expected to shoulder every physical and emotional burden by yourself; talking with someone about the challenges you are facing can give you some relief.
You are welcome to join our support group for families and friends of nursing home residents who are struggling emotionally with the decision to place their loved one in a nursing home and want to meet with others to discuss their experiences. Send us an email for more information about the group.
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